I was watching a YouTube channel I like, and their preparations and celebration of the American Thanksgiving. And I am... judgmental. I know, I know, it's none of my business, done is better than perfect, everyone does their thing their way, not my way, and that's a good thing, and F me, that's why. I know, it's not good. I'm not pretending I have any right to be judgmental. I just am. So I am going to use this to talk about how I want my holidays as different from theirs, and I am not going to talk about theirs.
Firstly, I want the home to be decorated. Thoroughly. Every room, every corner, nook, and cranny. (It's kind of interesting, that... nook is like a nose, a ridge, and the cranny is the opposite, a crevice. But nook has also come to mean a corner or a niche. Niche and nook might sound similar, but there is no etymological relationship.)
I want the decoration to be used to build memories and heirlooms. I don't want cheap crap bought new for every year with no connection, no personality, no meaning. Have one evening before the feast when you gather to make decorations. Give ornaments as gifts. It doesn't need to be expensive, it needs to be good quality and meaningful. Handmade is good. Children's paper decorations are great. Just make sure that you use good quality materials and not some cheap kiddie craft items that will deteriorate when one looks at it. I love decorating because I remember where and when and from whom I got all the pieces, and every piece has its place. I smile every time I pass them using my home, because every time I see them, I remember them again and again. That creates memories and love.
I want the decoration to appeal to all senses. Mainly the five well-known ones, but if you can find a way to appeal to one's sense of balance or spatial orientation, or... I don't know, hunger, good. I want everyone to feel good and sense pleasantry all the time they are in the area.
That's why it is very important to me, that the home is clean. Not just cleaned and tidy, but clean. Every nook and cranny, from floor to ceiling.
And just a couple of words about "tidy". Of course, a home is meant to be used as a home, and if you use the dining room as a playroom, the kids should be able to play in the playroom even during the holidays. Nevertheless, the play should be put away when the dining room is to be used to dine in. Have toy boxes that don't look like toyboxes, or have curtains to the toy shelves, so that the dining room looks like a dining room, not like a playroom with the dining table in it. The dining table should be clean and decked with clean table cloth and good china and glasses, not paper plates and cups. Sure, when you have 10+ celebrators at the table, there's going to be a lot of dishes, but that too should be done together. You can even play games about who does the dishes. Make it a program point. Use it as a team-building activity.
That's another thing about my perfect holidays. They should be "team-building events". A chance to enhance the feeling of being one big family, belonging to a group. That is why I want every member of the group to participate in building the feast. Every chore should be shared, done preferably by several members of the group, divided equally, age-appropriately, and so that no one has to do most of it. Let everyone do what they can and what they are best at, "from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs". Give the chores plenty of time, so that you can be patient with people who might not do things the same way or speed as you do. Remember that done is better than perfect, and the main thing is being together, not that everything is perfect. No hostzillas wanted, OK.
Then the food. I don't like ready-made and semi-finished, thank you. There are, of course, SOME things that I'm OK with, like canned and frozen vegetables, but things like packed macaroni and cheese or green beans are so easy and quick, that I think it's an unnecessary money pit, especially during the holidays. I also think the preparations for the meals are part of the "team-building activities". All the casseroles and most of the baking can be done beforehand and frozen. Also, if you have parties with many families coming together, a potluck is a perfect way to divide the cost and responsibility. So what Uncle Roger can't cook, or that Aunt Elizabeth's mashed potatoes aren't as good as cousin Carolyn's. It's most certainly good enough, and Uncle Roger can buy the cranberry sauce, or get a cheesecake from a bakery. He could have some team-building activities of his own, with friends, and exchange favors. "You make this casserole for my family dinner, and I'll build you the IKEA thing you want".
Food is important. Every guest should have a meal that is pleasing and satisfying. At the same time, it is "just" food. It doesn't need to be perfect, it needs to be edible. Make your garlic-infused mashed potatoes to yourself, don't force that on your guests if some of them don't want to eat garlic. Give your vegan guests a vegan feast. Most traditional holiday dishes have an adequate alternative that fits all the eaters' diets and preferences. You can have questionable flavors as side dishes, like roasted garlic, garlic powder on the spice rack, and so on. Mind your guests more than "I've always done it this way" and "I like it better like this". Not using cilantro might make the food somewhat lacking in your opinion, using cilantro makes the food inedible in my opinion. Just think about the food you just can't eat, be it offal, insects, or soup, and remember the feeling when planning the dinner menu. If your holiday isn't a holiday without a certain dish, you can always make it for yourself. (You can of course turn that around - if all the other guests are OK with that dish, you can make the dish without the hated ingredient for that one guest - or ask them to bring it themselves. That is totally fine.)
I just saw another Thanksgiving dinner preparation video, and there was garlic in EVERY dish. Even mashed potatoes. I hate garlic. I think it's disgusting. It smells and tastes like rusty nails in sweaty woolen socks, rolled on the barn floor. I wouldn't eat rusty nails and woolen socks with cow poo, I wouldn't serve it, I don't see the fascination, I wouldn't be able to eat anything except desserts there. Or, of course, I would, because I was raised right, but I wouldn't enjoy the food. I really hate garlic.
Don't throw away food. Most scraps can be used to make stock, at least, if not other things. That's one thing that really bothers me. Of course, if you compost, it's somewhat OK to be a bit more wasteful, because everything that can be composted will be. But if you cook Brussel sprouts, the outer leaves can be cooked, too.
Another important detail for me is that one needs to dress up. During a holiday dinner, one needs to have holiday attire. Sunday best. Formal knee-length dress with pumps. Suit. Business suit. Something like that. Neat hair. If you have long hair, tie it up. Or holiday holiday-inspired outfit, like a Christmas sweater. It's not OK - in my mind - to come to the table in sweats or T-shirt. (This, of course, depends on the family style. For some people, a shirt and jeans ARE "Sunday best". But they most certainly must be clean and neat.) Also, the whole company needs to "match". So, discuss the clothing options with all the guests good time before the dinner.
And then the last thing about this. Everyone eats together and stays by the table until everyone is finished. No running to watch the television, what ever is on. No eating on flimsy paper plates balanced on knees. No eating at different times, in different rooms.
