Reading and the reader's responsibility

It has been said that readers have difficulties in keeping their own personal experience from the reading... In my mind the reader SHOULD read the cards by her own personal experience and feelings.
You shouldn't be listening to the words the questioner gives you, but the words the cards give you.
You shouldn't be thinking about the wisest advice you can give, you should be giving the advice the cards give.
A lot of my reading consists of "I think about this and this, I don't know what it has to do with your situation, but I'm sure you do." I share a lot of stories when I read cards, because that is how my mind works. I drag the words from my experience, my knowledge, my wisdom, my treasury of tales and anecdotes, variating from classic fairytales and Biblical stories to Readers' Digest fillers and things I saw in television.

I would also probably be a bad reader, as I don't fear death, illnesses and despair. I am not afraid of the Dark Mother, Death nor Swords. Life goes on after death, the Tower of Babylon came tumbling down, but the humanity survived and is a better place today because of the hundreds of different languages.
I don't think you should try to invent a positive meaning to Death, Tower, Three of Swords or four pages on the table. "Yes, I see serious illness, I see serious trouble, but don't get frightened. It's part of life. You are to be prepared, think about how to deal with it when it arrives."
I am reminded of my father's cancer, and what a shock the news were.
I am thinking of all the homosexuals in the world who fear telling their loved ones the truth, who rather hide and lie about themselves than risk loosing the relationship, and nine times out of ten, their loved ones already knew.
I am thinking of my husband's father who refused to believe he was dying, so when his time came, he wasn't ready and went down fighting, kicking and screaming and insane of fear.
I am thinking of my grandmother who wasn't told she was dying, so she didn't take any precautions, didn't organize her business and things, but left a mess to her daughters to clean up.
I am thinking of my brother-in-law, who told my sisters first that he had cancer, and then to his wife, who freaked out totally by seeing my serious sisters in the room. He thought they would be able to help and support her, she would have appreciated if he'd told him in private.
I am also thinking of the father who killed his son when told the boy would have a difficult life.
I am thinking of the power of mind, and people's ability to either heal themselves or make themselves sick.
I am thinking of self-realizing prophecies and predictions. What you are afraid of will come.
I am also thinking of that divination is an image of the most probable future in this moment, and you can change it by changing what you are doing now. Perhaps you haven't been to mammography for a while now, and it's time... perhaps you haven't gone to your yearly check-up? Perhaps you could change your lifestyle? Perhaps you could take this as a wake-up call, and start doing things differently, start putting your economy in order, being with your friends, straightening the priorities? I believe we often get sick, because that is the only way God can stop you from harming yourself.
I am not sick nor dead today, so I could stop and enjoy the flowers and take that slow walk in the park and laugh at the playing dogs and eat that ice cream and write that letter, today, while I still can. Perhaps the "bad" cards are just a warning or a reminder of that life is good, and you are here to enjoy it, not to rush through it as if it was a competition.
Sky is blue to everyone, the same rain falls to the rich and the poor, the same wind caresses the sick and the healthy. There is beauty to be enjoyed for everyone, but everyone has to enjoy it for themselves ;-)

Minor Arcana Royalty

The Dressed Cards are actually a group of their own. They follow the suits, but don't represent a thought the same way as pips and major arcana. They represent people, fair and square. Now, there are people who disagree about this. Of course, I disagree on many things with my fellow tarot readers, and the funny thing is that none of us is wrong...

The traditional interpretation is that Cups are blonde, Scandinavian type people, Coins are redheads, Staffs are brunettes and Swords blackhaired and -eyed people. This has been adjusted a lot during the times, people have been trying to fit in non-Caucasian people, and placed dark-skinned people in Staffs and Asian people in Swords, but in the end, looks don't matter that much. It's the impression that matters.
The impression is the one of the questioner, not the reader. We all have different impressions on people. A motherly woman is something for one and totally different for another. One perhaps thinks all mothers are like Joan Crawford, another sees a bun-baking 50's housewife, nurturing, self-sacrificing woman. A third sees a modern woman with career, who will defend her pups to the last drop of blood when needed.

Pages are children, knights are teenagers, queens women and kings men. It really is that simple. What makes it a bit more complicated is that we don't always act our age... Some people were born old, some won't grow one day older how long they ever live. We have heard "boys grow until they are five, after that it's only their toys that grow". Very generalizing and wrong assumption, but some boys (and girls) are like that. They would be presented with a page, even when they are over 30, 40 and 50 by their birth certificate. We have the Lost Boys and Girls, who will be presented with knights.

I am a fairytale fantast, fantasy reader and medievalist, so to me page and knight are important - king and his page, queen and her knight.
In some decks the names have been changed; page to princess, knight to prince, in an effort to equalize "the family" and to modernize the deck. (The court cards are sometimes seen as a family; King the Father, Queen the Mother, Knight the Son and Page the Daughter.)

PAGE:
Young noble boys were sent to a foreign court to be trained. They were supposed to be small helpers, running errands, fetching things, standing by you ready to help, like a surgery nurse. In the Victorian times, this job was switched from males to females, and fell to unmarried women in the family. "Fetch my shawl, take this book back, fetch the book and read to me, walk the dog, comb Harriet's hair..."
For Alistair Crowley to change the name from Page to Princess was not a good move. I don't know what he was thinking. That a lot of women have taken the practice in use with gratitude is understandable, after all, tarot cards, just as any other old tradition, is very male dominant, and it is not nice when you are a woman. Nevertheless, it's not a good idea to change the name of the card, and making the pages female... not a good idea either. Most feminists don't wish to enhance the female servitude and docility any further. Also, making the page a girl instead of a boy is a better idea, because of the meaning of the card. Princesses don't run errands, deliver messages or fetch forgotten things.

Some pages and princesses of Cups

Another pet peeve of mine is Golden Dawn and Paradosi (Western Esoteric Kabbalah, distorted version of the Real Jewish thing, and shouldn't be called with the Jewish name either.)
Tarot is a perfect, complete divination system and doesn't need to be tainted with astrology, paradosi, numerology or other such things.
Tarot works on the subconscious symbolical level, you are to read the 1000 words hidden in the picture, and these words are always different depending on the company and situation.

The value of Minor Arcana

People have been discussing the Major Arcana very thoroughly and ignoring the Minors, as if they don't mean as much. I have been pottering with Divination for some 30 years now, and I know the Minors are just as important and influential as the Majors. Very much of it has to do with the "High Magicians" who frown at witches and other "low" magic practitioners. Gypsies read playing cards, REAL Divinators read Major Arcana. Now, I happen to have very much respect to the Gypsy Divination. With the dozens of "oracles" being published every year, people should have understood the concept of reading cards.

Minor Arcana cards are not "more general". They are exactly as general and specific as the Major Arcana. "Lesser Secret" doesn't sound as nice as "Greater Secret", but believe me, that's just wizardry.
It has also been said that as the Major Arcana presents the Universal Influences in one's life, the Minor Arcana presents the small everyday problems. But, frankly, if you look at your life, you don't give a damn about whether your problems are shared by no-one else or millions of other people. I am really rather upset about this minimizing of the home sphere, spin side, domestic values and influences. In the end, it all comes to whether you sleep well, eat well, breathe well and exercise. Wars have been fought because of minor problems in homes.

Another problem I see is the connection to Astrology. Sure, it helps - sometimes - but is often an obstacle to understanding the cards. I know I had a lot of problems, because people disagree very much on which element to connect with which suit, and if you are used to think "wand=fire", you will have problems in using a deck where wands are connected to air or earth. One of my favorite decks connects Cups with air, while 99% of other decks connect Cups with water.

Wands, Staffs, Clubs or what ever you wish to call these, are connected to trees.
Coins, Pentacles, Diamonds or what ever you call these, are connected to stones and minerals.
Cups, Bowls, Chalices, Hearts... are connected to heart.
Swords, Blades, Spades are connected to sharp tools.

Wands talk about drive and ambition. Wands can be as quick to grow as willow, as steadfast and mighty as oak-trees, as vulnerable as any forest to fire and axes and plows, as relentless as the forest that covers the ancient cities in South America and Asia. Look at wands and see weeds. Look at wands and see rose garden. Look at wands and see a field of golden wheat.

Coins talk about possession, economy, stability, security. Coins are not only about gold, silver and jewels, it's about salt of life, nutrition and minerals necessary for life. Coins are also about the ground you are standing on, the mountains and cliffs, granite deep under your feet that supports you.

Cups are about emotions, ideals, wishes and dreams; what your heart is filled with. It's not only about love and relationships, it's about your dreams and desires, ideals and ideologies, what you believe in, what you enjoy, what you envy, what you reach for. It's about dreamwork, castles in clouds and wishing wells, Fairy Godmothers and magical reality.

Swords are about battle and obstacles. Some times you must fight your way through the thicket to get to the castle to awaken the princess. Some times you must use the spade and dig the ditch to irrigate the field so that something might grow. You must plow the field to be able to sow and get a crop. You have to cut away the dead and rotten so that the wound can heal, otherwise it will poison the whole body. People are usually very afraid of Swords, as they tell you to stop, they warn you from heartbreak, obstacles, problems and fears, they say something you want is impossible, at least right now, in this form and manner. No-one wants to hear that.

I am a coward...

I am a coward... I witnessed a crime and did nothing.

A woman of 50-60 was vandalizing the park down here, brutally trashing a small elder. They are rebuilding the park but she didn't have an uniform, neither did she have a saw. She obviously was doing something that was not only illegal but immoral as well, as elders are useful plants. And I just looked at her with murder in my eyes, and walked by.
I should have called the police. I should have asked her name. I should have run home, get my camera and take photos as evidence of her crime. She should at least pay some fines for vandalizing my environment and violating the "everyman's right", which is part of the Swedish constitution. I did nothing.

Also, my heart is bleeding for the elder. I love elders. And I just left it there to be violated and walked away...

I am horribly ashamed of myself.

Why didn't I do anything? Because I think she would have just laughed at me, crying over untidy rubs and calling HER a vandal and a criminal. She's probably a member of the local community council, and thinks she's "helping". The police would have just laughed at me, calling a "nice old lady" a vandal and a criminal. I wouldn't have saved anything, and she would continue vandalizing as if it was acceptable, and now with the blessing of the local law enforcement... Now at least I KNOW she's a criminal and a vandal... but I also know I'm a coward.

Children know God?

I met a woman yesterday, trying to convert me into something... one thing lead to another
and I said that I believe in God but I don't believe the Bible has anything to do with God,
and she asked me how do we know the God's truth if not by the Bible,
and I said that I believe we are born with it.
She laughed and said that a newborn baby couldn't tell me anything about God,
to which I responded that perhaps it could if we only knew how to communicate these matters with it.
Then the buss came and we went to different directions.

But - I do believe we are born innocent, without sin, in perfect connection with God.
I believe all the crap that separate us from God comes later, in conditioning, "education", programming from outside.
A newborn baby doesn't feel hate, fear, anger, sadness. It cries because it is in pain or in need and has no other means to get our attention.
A baby doesn't cheat, lie, commit adultery, steal anything, a baby isn't unfaithful. A baby lives in full existence with God.
If a baby dies, it doesn't go to hell but to heaven, if you believe in such things.
I don't know if a baby COULD express the connection, but neither could any of us. We can try, but it is always inadequate.

Also, the fact that you cannot communicate with someone or something isn't the same as that someone or something would be ignorant, stupid or have nothing of value to share with anyone. Sure, I can think this woman wouldn't believe dogs go to heaven either, or know anything about God either...

"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise."
-- Proverbs (ch. VI, v. 6)

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."
- Greek Scriptures, Matthew, 6:28-29

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a reader commented this blog entry:
"yes. i do believe the children know. is why my kids don't go to school to unlearn the important things. i don't want them to forget and have to go through the painful process that i did to remember the things i was taught to believe were bad, or worse, weren't even real."

I am getting interested in magic again...

Grant Morrison's Pop Magic! is a very good article, actually... so I too recommend The Disinformation Book of Lies - it's in there.

I find it interesting that I never really thought magic is useful... it's a bit like Granny Weatherwax says, that if it cannot be done without magic, it's probably not worth doing, and if it can be done without magic, it also should be done without magic.
I also thought that the consequences of magic are too wide and difficult to foresee, and could have unwanted side-effects, so it's better to stay out of the whole thing.

But...

I WANT to be a fairytale witch and a sorceress. I want to make things happen by just a wave of a hand or wick of a wrist. I want to be able to levitate things, to fly, to summon, conjure and invoke things, to stop time, to read peoples' minds: I want Harry Potter magic and Sabrina magic and Charmed magic and Bewitched magic. I want Hollywood magic and fantasy magic. I want to be able to become invisible and see things that happens somewhere else or in another time. I want to travel in space and time by will. I want to be able to curse people and to bless people. I want to be able to turn people into frogs. I want to live forever young and beautiful and irresistable, strong and healthy.

It MUST be possible. Someone imagined it, it must be possible. I just have to find the way.

I WANT TO BELIEVE.

It is really hard, though... I have been very well programmed and conditioned. I believe magic just doesn't exist, and I would be terrified if it did, so my mind protects itself by not allowing it to happen... I wonder how it would be possible to reprogramme me and recondition me to believe that magic does happen and that it is quite normal and possible...

Also, I really don't feel like reading the dozens and dozens of volumes of exoteric and occult literature available on line, vading through Crowley and other "biblical" writings... but I think I should, and I should do it with intention and understanding and read it as many times as it takes to get it...
It feels like a vast and pointless task though... as I really don't believe in THAT kind of magic... and all this talk about demonology, necromancy and sigil magic makes my guts turn.

"In this book it is spoken of the sephiroth and the paths, of spirits and conjurations, of gods, spheres and planes, and many other things which may or may not exist. It is immaterial whether they exist or not. By doing certain things, certain results follow; students are most earnestly warned against attributing objective reality or philosophical validity to any of them."
-- Aleister Crowley

Dedicant?

"I am a Dedicant."
"Ok... I don't know what that is, but who am I to argue with you".
"A Dedicant is a person, male or female, who is, very literally, the spouse or lover of the Divine in this sphere of existence. For the god to whom I am a Dedicant, I am Wife on Earth. Wife of Flesh."
"Sort of Crist's Bride. Ok."
"It's uncanny how much of a whirlwind that simple word can stir. I've watched jaws drop open; seen people stammer; and have had them rapidly change the subject."
"Oh... It is uncanny... what has it to do with anyone else how you choose to relate to God and magic?"
"I've also been told that the type of magick I practice is "not possible" or that my experiences are doubtful because:
a) The gods do not mingle among us mere mortal creatures except in symbolic form;
b) The stories of that sort of thing happening are thousands of years old and, since no others have been recorded, there are obviously no more and never will be;
c) Why would you want to talk about a mystical experience so very personal? Those should only be discussed in theoretical and/or academic debates and certainly anyone who makes the claim to be doing this is suspicious;
and, my favorite,
d) If that god was going to do something like that, he would have told me himself."
"Oh? Interesting... If Gods walked among us 2000 and 4000 years ago, the Gods walk among us today. Now, I don't believe they do. There is only One God who doesn't interact with people in flesh. Or that is what I believe. But I am not denying your experience - or the experience of the others sharing your experience - just your interpretation of your experience. I believe you have an angelic lover. Nothing bad with that either. I'm not unfamiliar with that either. It just isn't part of my spirituality. Now, what comes to sharing an intimate and personal mystical experience - those SHOULD be shared with among friends and co-believers. If a high priestess cannot share her spiritual experience with her group, there's something seriously wrong with the group. What comes to God informing his other dedicants, isn't it His choice and his alone? Who am I to question the decisions and the wisdom of a God?"
"When did we get fundamentalist Pagans?"
"They have been among us always, dear Sapphire..."
"I interact daily with the Divine on many levels, from a simple stroke on the hair to high sex magick. I regularly "travel" to the Otherworlds where I have remained for what has seemed to be weeks there, only to find that it has been a few hours here. While there, I am exposed to great teachings and have had many mysteries revealed to me. I am honored and humbled to have earned this privilege."
"Good for you! And of course you should be sharing the teachings and mysteries with your group, if not the whole world."
"My High Priest, Shadowdragon, who is also my fiancée, has shown remarkable faith and strength of character by sharing in my practice. While most men would, and have, found my link to the Divine to be either a source of jealousy or could not bring themselves to fully participate, he has surprised me by accepting me wholeheartedly. Not only does he fold his practices into mine, but I find that my rituals and rites have greater energy. Not many men would have the confidence to share their wife with a god. It is to my great happiness that I listened when the Divine whispered over my shoulder, "This time, let me choose."
"Sounds absolutely lovely. Good for you."
"But, while a source of great energy, being a Dedicant, at least for me, has also been something of a burden. It means that all my workings focus through one deity."
"And that is a problem, because...?"
"How I relate to other gods and goddesses is directly influenced by my workings with this god."
"Why would you relate to other Gods and Goddesses?"
"There are deities who do not play well together which means that I have no contact with at least one popular goddess. Can't help others with their workings there."
"Why should you? It seems to me your work is very strictly defined and in my mind it's crazy to expect of you any help with any other Gods."
"I also have a harder time relating to the more traditionally female aspects of the craft. Moon phase? Sorry. I'll have to look up the info for that, as it simply has no bearing on how I work."
"There is nothing feminine about moon phases. In some cultures Moon is male. But when it has no bearing on how you work, why the heck should you even care of it? We all work magic in our own ways."
"It also means that I have hidden in a broomcloset within a broomcloset."
"With reactions like that, I can understand that."
"My mind was changed by having to defend myself yet again to what I thought was a community of people who might have, if not exactly the same, at least similar experiences to mine."
"Why? You don't need to defend yourself just because someone attacks you... or because someone doesn't approve you or your ways or thinks you're crazy. I think you're barking mad, but it really has nothing to do with me, and my opinion really doesn't have anything to do with you. So why are you defending yourself and your ways?"
"In the process, it occurred to me that I do not honor the gods by keeping silent."
"Depends on Gods..."
"It is through sharing our experiences with each other that we learn and that we teach."
"And through sharing what we have learned without experiencing it, or through experiencing ourselves."
"What honor to the Divine if all mystical experiences are kept greedily to one's self?"
"Depends on the Divine, again. Some Gods are honored through the respect of privacy. The experience was given to you, and, frankly, you cannot mediate your experiences even if you spoke like Shakespeare with the language of angels. Mystical experiences especially."
"Or if they are packaged off in little bits and only to the "worthy."
"Now, that... the latest fab is to give mystical knowledge to the "unworthy", who doesn't understand one bit but who will rape the wisdom, trample the pearls of knowledge into mud and bite your hand as thanks. They will also spread the knowledge tainted, tarred and twisted."
"Why is there such hostility to mystical experiences?"
"Envy... Inability to understand what it is... and usually people who are incapable to have mystical experiences think it's mostly waste of time and bullcock."
"I'm noticing more and more that people want to discuss technicalities within the craft."
"It is exactly because they are not "worthy"! It is EASY to memorize lists of herbs and Goddesses than really understand why we celebrate the Sabbaths. Anyone can arrange the altar "properly", buy pretty things decorated with pentagrams, dress witchily or go naked, but mystical experiences are not for everyone.
"Why are people not caught up in sitting and offering themselves to the Divine with perfect love and perfect trust? (Remember that concept?)"
"Yes, I do remember that empty trite. I believe we are here to LIVE, not to hunt for the extacy of mystical experiences, how ever much one might "learn". That to me is greedy and egoistic, but it's probably because I don't think mystical experiences and what you learn from them can be shared, and I find turning away from world and closing oneself in a cloister cowardly and egocentric - even if the cloister in only in my mind. But that's me."
"Is the problem that there are too many Pagans now learning strictly from a few high profile authors and the internet and are not interacting with elders who may have more to share?"
"High profile authors and internet are the elders of today. By the way... you claim you are a dedicant, meaning that you are learning directly from God, not from some elders. You shouldn't be preaching something you don't follow yourself."
"Is it that the elders have had enough of explaining the art of the craft to a generation raised on Hollywood expectations?"
"Hollywood expectations? Where do you think THOSE come from? It doesn't matter if you get the expectations on magic from a storyteller by a fire or from the television. Aleister Crowley and Helena Blavatsky weren't seduced by Hollywood. If an elder "have had enough of explaining the art to people", they aren't fit to be elders, don't you think?"
"Is it that there are so many "eBay Pagans" who are caught up in the nifty new chalice, who are buying boxes of stuff covered in pentagrams but who have forgotten that the stuff is all window dressing?"
"Excuse me, but your profile states your occupation is "ritual toolcraft and designer"... these people you despicingly call "eBay Pagans" support you. Stop selling nifty new chalices and boxes of stuff covered in pentagrams if you think people buying them are not "worthy"."
"Are too many people focusing too much on spellbooks and not enough on history and mythology?"
"If you wish people to respect your line of magic, you should be respecting theirs. You work with history and mythology, they with spellbooks. One line isn't better or more valuable than the other. I start to understand why people treat you weirdly... have you ever thought that it might be you and not them? That it might be your prejudices on them being somehow lesser than you, than the other way around?"
"Are people just plain losing the patience for the time it takes to establish that all important connection with the other side?"
"It doesn't take any time at all. It just is so that some people are not mystics. They could be meditating and focusing and praying and what not all they want, and still nothing would happen. It isn't their path. To YOU the "connection with the other side" is "all important", but I ask "what "other side"? There is only one side... God is HERE."
"Those among us who have interacted with the Divine are under an obligation to share what we know with others."
"Not at all. God is actually fully capable of taking care of that Herself. Of course, you MAY share, if you feel like it, but if you don't, don't. There's no obligation."
"Those of us who have been here longer need to reach out and tell others that not only are they not alone, but there is, in fact, so much more to see, so much more to know. That the gods and goddesses are out there and they are waiting for people to recognize them; to know that the old ways can be reborn."
"The old ways never died."
"Let us all speak of the gods and goddesses and their place at our tables. Let us all speak of knowing the touch of the Divine when we are lucky enough to experience it. Let us gather at fires and tell of the great things we have each of us known and done. Let us stand and shout that the gods are not buried in the past. That they walk among us this very day. Let us return to them their stature and let their names once again be spoken loudly. With honor."
"Who is your Divine husband? You never mention his name..."