Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why me?

I have been trying to start discussions about some of the nasty rhetorics I have been subjected to lately here at Gaia, without talking about me, without making it personal, because I simply assume that people are not singling me out, that the world is not after getting me, specifically, that others have been treated with the same, unfair, devious, insinuating, insincere and passive aggressive bullying tactics, and I have been sharing some information that has helped me a lot in dealing with that.

The response I have received is... well, to put it simply bad. There has been only two guys that have given me thumbs up, the rest has been...
I mean, I have tried to understand this integral synchronisity new world stuff, and one thing everyone is SAYING is that the intentions are all that matters, that I will receive what I put in the world, and then they are treating me like shit when I try to help?

Someone said I was calling people names, being cruel and poisoning the world with my words, and a respected member of the community told her she put her finger exactly on the problem here... So I am the problem here. This person claims to love me! She says I'm a hypocritical, namecalling troll, but she so loves me. Frak her and her love! May Goddess protect me from love like that. But sure, she is all innocent, and doesn't mean anything and hasn't done anything wrong and doesn't understand how I can be so hateful when all she does is love me, and the whole fraking community believes her, and joins the battle against dragon me.

I have spent a lot of time trying to be a princess, because they always got what I wanted, but the truth is that I am a dragon. And I like being a dragon. Dragons are amazing. Strong, beautiful... but it's not easy to be a dragon in humans' world. I'm always wrong, always ugly, always intimidating, dangerous, need to be put in my place... Jantelaw all over, again, even in here, where I thought I could find a refuge, because people were being talking so highly of important things like respect, love, tolerance, peace and harmony... but they don't mean what I mean with these words.
Respect is something people expect to get, not something they expect to give.
Tolerance is a swearword including intolerance.
Diversity is something bad because everyone should be like angels singing OM and trying to be better, according to what they think is better.
Love... love is a duty, something people are suppose to feel to everyone, and it has nothing to do with that warm, fuzzy feeling inside, that makes you glad to see the other one, that makes you happy of having the person in your life, that makes you feel good and like yourself, when you are with him...
All these words that don't mean what I thought they mean.

You know what? Frak you. How the heck would anyone believe in the new world order you are trying to sell, when it is painfully obvious that you don't believe in it yourself? Of course it's "so nice" to be bashing everyone around you with the principles, but when the principles are such as "law of karma" and "you sow what you reap", "what you send out comes to you", why are you not getting the crap you dish out to me and certainly to the rest of the world, as I'm not anything special.

It's like... I must have been a really horrible person in my previous life. :´D


To quote a friend of mine:

Apparently you are like catnip to cats with people. […] they STILL chose combat with you.

I know it's not any consolation, Ket, but try and see it as a compliment - they are so intimidated by you that they have to try and put you down.

They are also projecting heavily. If they can make it about you, they won't have to adjust anything or, G-d forbid, admit that they might be wrong.

They speak high and low about being here to learn, but they don't think they have anything to learn.

Yes, it's painful, very painful, it's spirit crushing, and all I have to offer you is a hug and the sentiment that I think Dragons are beautiful and very wise Creatures, I hope it helps a little


soooooooo glad i haven't bothered to look up this latest drama
the comment on the who's better than another one, shows how full of love and growth people are that they feel so insecure that they have to jockey to be so involved and 'show' how great they are…if no one sees me type love, then who will glorify me in a bliss ninny way and support my high? (yes that was a slam)

The other end of that is, why care, it's the internet. Why do some push so hard to be accepted in a space where others are signaling they are not welcomed? I suppose each person is ok doing what they like in their own living rooms. Online, people can exhibit that living room scenario, but with free and open internet space(rather making ASSes…oh *cough assumptions, that everyone knows it and HOW dare they behave otherwise…defend my turf dammit! pees in corners).

In a general way with the extremes of self expression going all the way to bully by physical force, each person that has had to fight to express themselves and rid themselves of what they might have felt as oppression–no matter the reality of it, will fight with teeth bared and claws out. And then type, respectfully with love.

My family loved me enough to burn my hand on a griddle. They told me they loved me and needed me to know why they said no to touching it and then put my hand on it flat and held it there. Love is a word. Energy is energy, it cannot lie. Doesn't matter how many books one reads, seminars one attends, teachers, gurus and rolex watch collectors one worships, we are still who we are on the inside of the wrapping paper.

- Elisa


If it is a dragon that you fashion yourself of, my friend, then by all means be the very MOST of this dragon that you can be, with all of your heart, your might, your all. By doing so, you are the reflection of that which you worship as your Goddess. I would like to offer my portion of healing to you in this post here, sending it your way as I write this to you specifically. May the wounds be already healed as you receive this. So be it, my friend.

much love

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