Saturday, October 2, 2010

Nice Matters

I read Annie Keller's Nice Matters, and responded, but obviously my comment was too big and ether ate it.
So I post it here, as I remember it.

I wouldn't call it nice, but kind. Nice is more a matter of preferences, while kind is more static, unquestionable. I'm sure the perp doesn't give a dime about if other people think he was nice or not. For some reason P.C. has become a "bad word" in USA.

A Swedish doctor has written a book called "The Art of Being Kind". There's quite a lot of that book on Googlebooks, and I recommend you read it. You don't have to like it, agree on it or anything, but just read it.

To me filming another person's sexual encounters is extremely immature and stupid. I think the kids who did this have too much time, camera and internet access on their hands. I think it was very unkind and inconsiderate. I am amazed that these kids think their homosexual schoolmate's private life is the most interesting thing in their lives. It's really sad that there are college kids who don't have a meaningful private life of their own...

I do understand why someone would think it's funny, they did it in MASH, and I love MASH. (How Hot Lips got her nickname). I also understand where someone got the idea of putting this on-line - they have done it with Paris Hilton and several others.
What's the difference? Nothing, really.
But what one fails to understand is that none of this is "nice". None of this is good and kind, not compassionate, not mature, not ok. It's ALWAYS a violation of someone's privacy, and THAT is a crime against the victim's human rights! How would these kids know what they are doing is wrong, "not nice", unkind, even a crime, when we laugh at it when it happens in a movie, or say "Paris Hilton is overreacting", when it happens to her? Paris is a human being too, and she too has the right to privacy, but do we give it to her? Or any other celebrity? No! People who have made a living by violating celebrities privacy are not being punished for doing this, on the contrary, the audience wants more! There are hundreds of blogs, websites, tv shows and magazines about other people's private life, and people will watch, read and buy this crap. We are not only approving this, we are PROMOTING this. Princess Diana's death wasn't a wake-up call strong enough... How many more has to die, before we accept that other people's private life is just that and NONE OF OUR F-ING BUSINESS!

We really shouldn't just blame these kids and their parents, friends and teachers (by that I mean anyone who has ever taught them something, not just the teachers at school, but role models, siblings, people who are "something" and "popular", tv-shows and what not.), because this is not only their problem. We are all involved, all to blame.

There is also another aspect to this. This boy obviously couldn't see any other way out of his private hell, and that is the fault of his friends, parents and teachers.

We need to teach our kids to stand by the VICTIM and not join the mob of vultures and hyenas.
We need to teach our kids to stop and help, even if that makes them an object too.
We need to teach our kids that its not only the physical and material violence that matters. "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but WORDS DO HURT YOU". Everyone with feelings know this. People who have been bullied show the very same symptoms as the victims of torture.


We need to acknowledge and accept this FACT and teach our kids, that torture is NEVER right, not "light" torture, not "not really torture", not bullying, not any form of torture.
We need to acknowledge and accept the FACT that there is social abuse, economical abuse, psychological, mental and emotional abuse, and that abuse is just as bad and wrong as physical and material abuse. It is just as bad to freeze someone out of the community as it is to go and vandalize someone's home. It is just as bad to call someone ugly names as it is to punch or kick this person. The wounds and bruises of spirit are just as painful as the wounds and bruises in your body. In fact, it's even more painful, because today's society doesn't see them, so it refuses to acknowledge them, so you won't get justice, comfort or support.

I wish these kids get community service, where they are to make a short film about what makes young people to kill themselves. I think interviewing the friends and family of suicide victims would make them think about what they did, and why it was wrong.
Then they (and their family) should get some counseling, where the moment is being dug up, the moment when they realized that they live in "dog eat dog", "survival of the strongest" and "better join the mob than be bullied" society, where humiliation is funny, when they realized that their needs, boundaries and privacy is not being respected... Because that's what it is, in the end. Every time someone bullies someone else, we can find a bullee inside the bully.

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